I was rudely interrupted from a much needed repose to prepare equipment because some rig out on the ocean somewhere could not get their pipe out of the hole. Just when I planning a nice little trip home I had to rebook all my flights....such is life.
Drill pipe gets stuck. It gets stuck for a number of reasons. There could be differential pressure across the wellbore, shales swelling in, poor solids control, or any other number of reasons as to why the rig can't get the pipe out of the ground. Usually when drilling rigs get stuck they need wireline people to get them unstuck or backed off. Its about the only time when the drilling supervisor is happy to see us.
Part of the challenge in freeing stuck pipe is to select the most appropriate means of cutting the pipe above the stuck point. This means choosing the right explosive for the job. Furthermore little foresight is applied by drilling and completion people in terms of designing a completion than can be recovered if necessary. A drilling or completion string may have a number of restrictions in it that complicate the pipe recovery process. The burden falls on the service company to provide a cutter that can satisfy the customers drill string however screwed up it is.
So here is a Drillers Dream Cutter
Can cut any size casing, tubing or drill pipe.
Able to fit through a 2" restrictions
Requires no explosives or dangerous chemicals
Includes a free point device as well as correlation device
Can be rigged up easily with no special power supplies or personnel
Unfortunately such a device is still within the realm of fantasy. In the meantime we have to go through the tedious explanation of why you can't use a 2 3/8" cutter to cut 5 1/2" drill pipe. Eventually this message sinks in and our clients re size their expectations as to what is actually doable.
The next difficulty is to determine where the pipe is stuck and to convince the client that he needs to cut above the stuck point if wants to have any chance of recovering any pipe. You would be surprised at how many millions of dollars of drilling hardware are lost in the well every year because Drilling people can't understand this simple concept.
Details. You can never have enough. Its surprising what you don't know and how that can make or break a job. A lot of time can be saved beforehand if only people knew the ID of a piece of assembly was 2.25" and not 3.5". We had to run a drift just to confirm an ID because some guy in town couldn't be bothered to gauge an assembly.
Hindsight is always 20/20. I think that the oilfield has the most disproportionate number of armchair quarterbacks in the world. Anyone with 2 years experience on the rig thinks that they are an expert and I think I heard more sentences beginning with "we should have" than I have since that last time |I was out here to free stuck pipe. Service contracts are not written for should haves. They are representations of what level of risk that operators are prepared to accept - if you are worried about losing a 50 million dollar well then you "should have" built that into your contract.
And finally....CYA (cover your ass). The acronym CYA almost completely sums up the entire exploration industry. Never leave yourself in a position where you can be held accountable for anything. Although this means that the job safety review will be a 30 page document translated into 2 languages for a 10 minute operation this is the way things are trending in the patch. Cutting through the bureaucracy means self-exposure and I can't afford the risk.
Get used to it. No wonder the price of oil is hitting $100 dollars plus.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Some Unwanted Advice
We should therefore claim, in the name of tolerance, the right not to tolerate the intolerant - Karl Popper
Its becoming very difficult to reconcile the Indonesians I know and the ones I see on TV or read about in the paper. The latest attacks on the Ahmadiyah community by a mob having more in common with orcs than humanity have shown that the government really does not seem to have a plan on how to deal with an ongoing problem of incitement in the community by radical groups.
The problem is those pesky Ahmadiyah keep wanting to have their own unique beliefs. This goes down badly with the mainstream Muslim establishment who is apparently so insecure in their own beliefs that they see this tiny offshoot sect as a threat to the souls of the nation. The Government in its role as the arbiter of justice has proposed a host of bizarre solutions which I would like to consider.
1) Expel the Ahmadiyah.
Ghettoizing the Ahmadiyah was recently suggested by the Government of Lombok. The Ahmadiyah of Lombok have been living a a relocation camp since 2006, when they were burned out of their homes by a vicious mob. Despite the whole event being captured on TV no charges were ever laid in connection to these events. As a solution it was suggested that removing the community to an isolated location so that their neighbors could not be influenced by their deviant acts. I suppose one of those prison islands could be renamed Pulau Ahamdiyah and special uniforms could be designed so as to conveniently discern Amamdiyah followers from the mainstream. Of course this kind of thing hasn't happened since the Nazi's began rounding up Jews Gypsies and homosexuals but who knows? If nothing else it would earn the current president a special place in Hell alongside Omar Bashir, Adolf Hitler and Slobodan Milosovic but hey if this is the legacy you are hoping for Mr. President, a study of the actions of these dictators would certainly provide some lessons and insight. It won't do much for your UN aspirations though.
2) Initiate a pogrom.
This method seems to favored by the MUI (majelis ulama indonesia) and their faithful right hand the FPI(Islamic Defenders Front). The Indonesian Constitution, never a strong document to begin with, has been systematically eroded by a combination of inflammatory fatwas, sharia style bylaws, and mostly by the lawless actions by thugs hiding behind the fig leaf of ensuring religious harmony. Based on their recent actions and statements it seems to me that the religious harmony that these groups are referring to is the peace of the grave for religious minorities. Mr. President please refer to the above-mentioned dictators for advice on how to proceed. Again, this sort of thing is no longer in fashion but if this is how you wish to present the image of Indonesian tolerance to the world, pray continue.
3) Amend the constitution.
Perhaps it might be better to obtain a legal backing before proceeding with plans 1 or 2 by amending the constitution so as to declare the country an Islamic state. This plan would certainly be welcomed a number of Islamic-based political parties that the government has been pandering to for the last several years.This plan would also be opposed by the small but significant minorities that make up the bulk of the eastern islands of this country. They might see the declaration of Indonesia as an Islamic state the ultimate betrayal of the 1945 revolution. The entire nation could conceivably be fractured into several smaller states, a situation that would benefit nobody. There are lessons to be learned from the Balkans, the Sudan, and Somalia. Indonesians should take heed.
4) Do Nothing.
This seems to be the modus operendi of the Yudhyono administration. Even the president must realise by now that, by pandering to thugs they will only become emboldened to greater and more outrageous acts of violence. Pretending that there is not a problem will not make it go away. What doing nothing will do is emasculate the position of the President of the Unitary State of Indonesia. When people lack leadership and discipline then tend to look to their own interests first. Attacks upon minorities will continue to occur so long as nobody is held accountable. How many people have to die before the government realises that maintaining the status quo is just not going to work in the long term?
5) Banning the Ahmadiyah.
This is the solution as suggested by the Minister of religion. Now the funny thing about banning a religion, it almost almost always has the opposite effect. Muslims should consider their own history when talking about religious bans. Were they not not banned from Mecca for a time? How well did that work? The Catholic church spent hundreds of years being banned by the Romans. When their opportunity came they spent hundreds of years years in counter-reformation efforts against the likes of Lutherans, Methodists, Protestants, Anglicans. Where did it get them in the long run? Ideas are difficult to kill. And who is to say which one is correct? I'm sure that any self-respecting Muslim would be very indignant if it was suggested that their religion was deviant and heretical - I fail to see how they would think that the Ahmadiyahs would feel any less indignant for having their religion considered as such.
6) Doing the right thing.
This is the least popular option as will involve politicians and the public getting off the fence and actually doing something to promote tolerance as opposed to exaceberating differences. So what is the right thing? Well why not start with harshly punishing those who promote religious violence? Make an example of one or two - the third one may think twice before acting. Secondly eliminate laws or decrees that get used to justify religious violence such as the ridiculous Joint Ministerial decree on Ahmadiyah as well as the Joint decree on houses of worship. You can't seriously call yourself a multicultural and tolerant society with laws like these on the books. If you want to restrict the growth of churches, mosques, temples and the like why not enforce things like seating capacity, operating hours, noise levels and available parking. Thirdly protect the integrity and sanctity of the courts. People should have the right to protest in front of the courthouse. Those rights do not extend to threatening the magistrates or burning down the courthouse if the decision does not suit the mob. Giving the bigots and haters free reign to hack and burn is a tried and true way to conflict.
Indonesians need to decide what form of country they want. Continuing in this lawless manner will only hurt them at home, and hurt their reputations abroad.
Its becoming very difficult to reconcile the Indonesians I know and the ones I see on TV or read about in the paper. The latest attacks on the Ahmadiyah community by a mob having more in common with orcs than humanity have shown that the government really does not seem to have a plan on how to deal with an ongoing problem of incitement in the community by radical groups.
The problem is those pesky Ahmadiyah keep wanting to have their own unique beliefs. This goes down badly with the mainstream Muslim establishment who is apparently so insecure in their own beliefs that they see this tiny offshoot sect as a threat to the souls of the nation. The Government in its role as the arbiter of justice has proposed a host of bizarre solutions which I would like to consider.
1) Expel the Ahmadiyah.
Ghettoizing the Ahmadiyah was recently suggested by the Government of Lombok. The Ahmadiyah of Lombok have been living a a relocation camp since 2006, when they were burned out of their homes by a vicious mob. Despite the whole event being captured on TV no charges were ever laid in connection to these events. As a solution it was suggested that removing the community to an isolated location so that their neighbors could not be influenced by their deviant acts. I suppose one of those prison islands could be renamed Pulau Ahamdiyah and special uniforms could be designed so as to conveniently discern Amamdiyah followers from the mainstream. Of course this kind of thing hasn't happened since the Nazi's began rounding up Jews Gypsies and homosexuals but who knows? If nothing else it would earn the current president a special place in Hell alongside Omar Bashir, Adolf Hitler and Slobodan Milosovic but hey if this is the legacy you are hoping for Mr. President, a study of the actions of these dictators would certainly provide some lessons and insight. It won't do much for your UN aspirations though.
2) Initiate a pogrom.
This method seems to favored by the MUI (majelis ulama indonesia) and their faithful right hand the FPI(Islamic Defenders Front). The Indonesian Constitution, never a strong document to begin with, has been systematically eroded by a combination of inflammatory fatwas, sharia style bylaws, and mostly by the lawless actions by thugs hiding behind the fig leaf of ensuring religious harmony. Based on their recent actions and statements it seems to me that the religious harmony that these groups are referring to is the peace of the grave for religious minorities. Mr. President please refer to the above-mentioned dictators for advice on how to proceed. Again, this sort of thing is no longer in fashion but if this is how you wish to present the image of Indonesian tolerance to the world, pray continue.
3) Amend the constitution.
Perhaps it might be better to obtain a legal backing before proceeding with plans 1 or 2 by amending the constitution so as to declare the country an Islamic state. This plan would certainly be welcomed a number of Islamic-based political parties that the government has been pandering to for the last several years.This plan would also be opposed by the small but significant minorities that make up the bulk of the eastern islands of this country. They might see the declaration of Indonesia as an Islamic state the ultimate betrayal of the 1945 revolution. The entire nation could conceivably be fractured into several smaller states, a situation that would benefit nobody. There are lessons to be learned from the Balkans, the Sudan, and Somalia. Indonesians should take heed.
4) Do Nothing.
This seems to be the modus operendi of the Yudhyono administration. Even the president must realise by now that, by pandering to thugs they will only become emboldened to greater and more outrageous acts of violence. Pretending that there is not a problem will not make it go away. What doing nothing will do is emasculate the position of the President of the Unitary State of Indonesia. When people lack leadership and discipline then tend to look to their own interests first. Attacks upon minorities will continue to occur so long as nobody is held accountable. How many people have to die before the government realises that maintaining the status quo is just not going to work in the long term?
5) Banning the Ahmadiyah.
This is the solution as suggested by the Minister of religion. Now the funny thing about banning a religion, it almost almost always has the opposite effect. Muslims should consider their own history when talking about religious bans. Were they not not banned from Mecca for a time? How well did that work? The Catholic church spent hundreds of years being banned by the Romans. When their opportunity came they spent hundreds of years years in counter-reformation efforts against the likes of Lutherans, Methodists, Protestants, Anglicans. Where did it get them in the long run? Ideas are difficult to kill. And who is to say which one is correct? I'm sure that any self-respecting Muslim would be very indignant if it was suggested that their religion was deviant and heretical - I fail to see how they would think that the Ahmadiyahs would feel any less indignant for having their religion considered as such.
6) Doing the right thing.
This is the least popular option as will involve politicians and the public getting off the fence and actually doing something to promote tolerance as opposed to exaceberating differences. So what is the right thing? Well why not start with harshly punishing those who promote religious violence? Make an example of one or two - the third one may think twice before acting. Secondly eliminate laws or decrees that get used to justify religious violence such as the ridiculous Joint Ministerial decree on Ahmadiyah as well as the Joint decree on houses of worship. You can't seriously call yourself a multicultural and tolerant society with laws like these on the books. If you want to restrict the growth of churches, mosques, temples and the like why not enforce things like seating capacity, operating hours, noise levels and available parking. Thirdly protect the integrity and sanctity of the courts. People should have the right to protest in front of the courthouse. Those rights do not extend to threatening the magistrates or burning down the courthouse if the decision does not suit the mob. Giving the bigots and haters free reign to hack and burn is a tried and true way to conflict.
Indonesians need to decide what form of country they want. Continuing in this lawless manner will only hurt them at home, and hurt their reputations abroad.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
On Oil Spills
That BP spill in the gulf is going on for some time now. Its certainly become a problem, judging from all the lawsuits being filed for BP, Haliburton, Transocean, and Cameron. Eventually all the facts of this tragic event will be unearthed in the discovery process (I think discovery is the correct legal term). In the meantime its worthwhile to note a few points about how the industry operates and the political games being played by the government.
The US government has threatened to take over relief efforts on this well. Personally I doubt that the Feds have either the technology or the expertise to perform this kind of operation. Given their impotence its sadly amusing to hear them carping away as they are. Probably the best they could hope for would be to hire another oil company and put them in charge of capping and clean up - wouldn't that be interesting? The experts in this field are most likely to be found in the Gulf coast oil industry where they drill some the most deep and difficult wells in the world. The feds couldn't organise blankets during Katrina - have they suddenly become well control experts?
There will probably be several lengthy investigation into all aspects of this disaster. Each of the companies involved have been investing heavily in compliance (ass covering) for the last 10 years or so. In an industry where every action is scrutinized and reviewed the problem will be actually a surplus of information. Even a minor service failure or departure from routine procedure warrants a page in the End-Of-Well Report. Whole forests will be needed to publish the report on this well.
There is a strong need to find out what went wrong on this well, and how it can be avoided in future. Eleven men during a routine operation. Beyond any possible environmental impact this may have its crucial to remember that lives have been lost. Without knowing the causes it will be difficult to confidently drill into these deepwater environments in the future, not to mention finding crews to do the work. The nature of the tendering process puts safety at a premium these days and company records have to be available and traceable in order to qualify to tender. In other words, without resolution on this issue it will be very difficult for the companies associated with this well to get other work. Large multi national companies such as BP are especially anal in this regard.
The press has gleefully taken the opportunity to bash the industry. I suppose it doesn't sell a lot of newspapers to focus on what went wrong and make even a cursory check of the processes involved. Instead we are reminded of the "scandalous rapacious greed" of the multinationals and how this spill will singlehandedly destroy the planet. As to multinationals its worthwhile to note that the largest of them Exxon Mobil is only the 17 largest oil company in the world. The 16 larger oil companies are all National Oil Companies (NOCs). In reality the largest oil companies in the world are political tools with no real accountability to the public. If this disaster had to happen then the best group for it to happen to is a large multinational oil company - at least there is an internal process of accountability. Its also worth noting that Governments at every level take a cut on every barrel of oil produced - oil is probably the single most heavily taxed commodity on the planet. Just who is being scandalously rapacious here?
The question of environmental damage is certainly a tricky one. Certainly there will be damage. Predictions of wiping out the wetlands are, in my opinion, wild hyperbole. For one thing oil has been seeping naturally into the gulf for millions of years, quite a volume in fact. So why isn't the gulf a wasteland? There are microbes in the ocean that actually live on oil. These microbes, when left to themselves have done a pretty amazing job in cleaning up spills such as the Amoco Cadiz spill in 1978 and the Exxon Valdez in 1989. Human intervention by way of detergents and bioremedials often do more harm than good. Problem is of course that mother nature takes time. The people affected want the problem fixed right now which is which is reasonable but not realistic.
Its important to me personally that the root cause of the BP blowout in the gulf are determined and drilling practices are refined to minimise the risk of this kind of accident ever happening again. I have no desire to test drive first hand the ejector pod type lifeboats currently in use. Knee jerk calls to stop drilling and/or end today our dependence on hydrocarbon fuels may sell at lot of newspapers but really help no one in the long term.
The US government has threatened to take over relief efforts on this well. Personally I doubt that the Feds have either the technology or the expertise to perform this kind of operation. Given their impotence its sadly amusing to hear them carping away as they are. Probably the best they could hope for would be to hire another oil company and put them in charge of capping and clean up - wouldn't that be interesting? The experts in this field are most likely to be found in the Gulf coast oil industry where they drill some the most deep and difficult wells in the world. The feds couldn't organise blankets during Katrina - have they suddenly become well control experts?
There will probably be several lengthy investigation into all aspects of this disaster. Each of the companies involved have been investing heavily in compliance (ass covering) for the last 10 years or so. In an industry where every action is scrutinized and reviewed the problem will be actually a surplus of information. Even a minor service failure or departure from routine procedure warrants a page in the End-Of-Well Report. Whole forests will be needed to publish the report on this well.
There is a strong need to find out what went wrong on this well, and how it can be avoided in future. Eleven men during a routine operation. Beyond any possible environmental impact this may have its crucial to remember that lives have been lost. Without knowing the causes it will be difficult to confidently drill into these deepwater environments in the future, not to mention finding crews to do the work. The nature of the tendering process puts safety at a premium these days and company records have to be available and traceable in order to qualify to tender. In other words, without resolution on this issue it will be very difficult for the companies associated with this well to get other work. Large multi national companies such as BP are especially anal in this regard.
The press has gleefully taken the opportunity to bash the industry. I suppose it doesn't sell a lot of newspapers to focus on what went wrong and make even a cursory check of the processes involved. Instead we are reminded of the "scandalous rapacious greed" of the multinationals and how this spill will singlehandedly destroy the planet. As to multinationals its worthwhile to note that the largest of them Exxon Mobil is only the 17 largest oil company in the world. The 16 larger oil companies are all National Oil Companies (NOCs). In reality the largest oil companies in the world are political tools with no real accountability to the public. If this disaster had to happen then the best group for it to happen to is a large multinational oil company - at least there is an internal process of accountability. Its also worth noting that Governments at every level take a cut on every barrel of oil produced - oil is probably the single most heavily taxed commodity on the planet. Just who is being scandalously rapacious here?
The question of environmental damage is certainly a tricky one. Certainly there will be damage. Predictions of wiping out the wetlands are, in my opinion, wild hyperbole. For one thing oil has been seeping naturally into the gulf for millions of years, quite a volume in fact. So why isn't the gulf a wasteland? There are microbes in the ocean that actually live on oil. These microbes, when left to themselves have done a pretty amazing job in cleaning up spills such as the Amoco Cadiz spill in 1978 and the Exxon Valdez in 1989. Human intervention by way of detergents and bioremedials often do more harm than good. Problem is of course that mother nature takes time. The people affected want the problem fixed right now which is which is reasonable but not realistic.
Its important to me personally that the root cause of the BP blowout in the gulf are determined and drilling practices are refined to minimise the risk of this kind of accident ever happening again. I have no desire to test drive first hand the ejector pod type lifeboats currently in use. Knee jerk calls to stop drilling and/or end today our dependence on hydrocarbon fuels may sell at lot of newspapers but really help no one in the long term.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Crocodile Farm
I remember going to a crocodile farm once. The guide showed us a small pool with a tall heavy mesh fence around it. "Watch this" he said and carefully inserted a long bamboo shaft through the mesh and tickled the edge of the pool. There was an immediate splash and the biggest crocodile that I would ever care to meet came lunging out towards us. We were all properly shocked and frightened, much to the amusement of our guide. I don't think I ever went back to that crocodile farm again.
This memory surfaced when I was reading about the recent riots in Tanjung Priok. Sometimes the crocodiles only need a little prodding to come charging out of their pools. I'm not sure who was carrying the pole this time. The incident requires credible investigation before blame, and ultimately punishment, can be apportioned. The police arrived ready for the trouble and an armed mob was waiting for them. Somebody tickled the pond and the crocodiles reacted predictably.
Now that the fires are out the blame game has started. There have been calls for the police to be disbanded, the mayor to be fired, the governor to be fired, and the vigilante group that imposed itself on the situation to be banned. Everyone is getting in on it. The Minister of Information has stupidly called for images of the riot to be banned as they would be bad for the nation. Someone forgot to tell him that there is a free press in Indonesia not to mention that the photos have already made it to the international agencies. The Jakarta Governor has gone to visit the families of the bereaved, promised compensation, and pledged to convert the tomb of Mbah Priok to a historical site. Too bad he didn't think to communicate to the residents before the incident-lives may have been saved. And in probably the best instance of bad timing Home Affairs minister has trotted out his latest absurdity: that of the moral elegibility of entertainers as elected officials. He's got it mixed up. They are already lots of politicians playing at governing - they should be more concerned with being seen as actors such rather than actors being seen as politicians. Whats needed are leaders to calm the waters and and keep the crocodiles in their pools. Better yet if they can drain the ponds. Instead the guys with sticks seem to be in charge.
Photo clipped from the BBC
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The free lunch
You know it has to be the oldest line ever. "You can't get something for nothing". And yet in spite of this sage advice the human spirit still can't resist the mirage of getting something for free. Whether it’s a marketing gimmick or a 419 scam the appeal for the free lunch pulls us as relentlessly as gravity. We fall for it every time. I was reminded of this human failing by two recent events. The first was a stampede at the City Hall in Jakarta. The Governor was having an open house to celebrate the end of Ramadan. Visitors were to receive a free gift of food and a small amount of cash. Although he probably meant well the governor chose to have this open house in spite of a similar gathering causing a stampede in Surabaya a year ago that resulted in the deaths of 21 people. Leaders should know better - why engage in such risky behaviour? The other little event was a potato giveaway in Canada that caused massive traffic jam and 8 km queues. The spectacle of affluent people lining up (in their SUVs) for free potatoes beggars belief.
The frenzy for the free lunch is not a new phenomenon by any means. I can recall back in my college/bartending days some bright light manager had the idea of giving away free chilli con queso (it was a Mexican theme cafe and bar) and tortilla chips during happy hour. Once word reached the street we were deluged with clients of the worst possible description jostling over who was first in line at 5:00 when the con queso pans hit the floor. They were lining up outside the building for their free snack and most became indignant when I mentioned that they really needed to order a drink if they wanted to stay there. I had a similar experience with an all-you-can-eat spaghetti night at another establishment. Within a few weeks of the promotion the largest, hungriest people imaginable converged on our little cafe like ravenous piranhas. It was almost like they were trying to outdo each other in their gluttonous frenzy. After a few more weeks we finally had to cancel the promotion as it was simply too painful to watch grown men (and women) eat 4 large plates of spaghetti every Thursday evening.
Now in no way am I discouraging charity, charitable acts, or charitable people. These people should be commended. Charitable action though, should be done carefully or even anonymously. It seems to do no good to the giver or the receiver when the act of giving results in pandemonium. Likewise any political message given though free potatoes is lost in the circus that followed. Overt displays of largesse do tend to bring out the worst in people. In spite of all our philosophies, moralizing, laws and ethics we are still quite literally willing to walk over our neighbour for a free lunch.
The frenzy for the free lunch is not a new phenomenon by any means. I can recall back in my college/bartending days some bright light manager had the idea of giving away free chilli con queso (it was a Mexican theme cafe and bar) and tortilla chips during happy hour. Once word reached the street we were deluged with clients of the worst possible description jostling over who was first in line at 5:00 when the con queso pans hit the floor. They were lining up outside the building for their free snack and most became indignant when I mentioned that they really needed to order a drink if they wanted to stay there. I had a similar experience with an all-you-can-eat spaghetti night at another establishment. Within a few weeks of the promotion the largest, hungriest people imaginable converged on our little cafe like ravenous piranhas. It was almost like they were trying to outdo each other in their gluttonous frenzy. After a few more weeks we finally had to cancel the promotion as it was simply too painful to watch grown men (and women) eat 4 large plates of spaghetti every Thursday evening.
Now in no way am I discouraging charity, charitable acts, or charitable people. These people should be commended. Charitable action though, should be done carefully or even anonymously. It seems to do no good to the giver or the receiver when the act of giving results in pandemonium. Likewise any political message given though free potatoes is lost in the circus that followed. Overt displays of largesse do tend to bring out the worst in people. In spite of all our philosophies, moralizing, laws and ethics we are still quite literally willing to walk over our neighbour for a free lunch.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Morality - Tangerang Style
Don't let your morals prevent you from doing whats right
Issac Asimov
It sucks to be a poor kid in Indonesia. It sucks even more when you have to shine shoes at the airport instead of going to school like the other kids. And it really sucks when police arrest you for gambling when you are just playing a coin tossing game for pennies. All in the name of morality.
Apparently these kids in Tangerang must be a fearsome lot because the police felt the need to threaten them with their firearms. Too dangerous to be sent home they were hauled off to detention - for a month - instead of allowing them to stay with their families. Then they convicted them of gambling and now have criminal records. All of this in a city whose motto is ahlakul karimah (Good morals).
A Rogues Gallery
Fachrozi Hanapi - One of the arresting officers, Pak Fachrozi felt compelled to threaten children with his sidearm while making the arrest. The man will probably get a medal. Makes you wonder what kind of people get into the police force these days.
Suyono - Tangerang district chief prosecutor. Surprisingly enough he was willing to prosecute this case after having the option to demand an acquittal. What did he have to prove and what self-respecting prosecutor would want this on his record?
Retno Pujiningtyas - The judge who presided over this farce and convicted all the children. Better that she said than risk having them become repeat offenders. I suppose she has that tough love thing going. Pity her kids.
Wahadin Halim - The mayor of Tangerang who really should be paying more attention to what is going on in his city. Perhaps he had a busy skins game the day the kiddies were convicted.
Issac Asimov
It sucks to be a poor kid in Indonesia. It sucks even more when you have to shine shoes at the airport instead of going to school like the other kids. And it really sucks when police arrest you for gambling when you are just playing a coin tossing game for pennies. All in the name of morality.
Apparently these kids in Tangerang must be a fearsome lot because the police felt the need to threaten them with their firearms. Too dangerous to be sent home they were hauled off to detention - for a month - instead of allowing them to stay with their families. Then they convicted them of gambling and now have criminal records. All of this in a city whose motto is ahlakul karimah (Good morals).
A Rogues Gallery
Fachrozi Hanapi - One of the arresting officers, Pak Fachrozi felt compelled to threaten children with his sidearm while making the arrest. The man will probably get a medal. Makes you wonder what kind of people get into the police force these days.
Suyono - Tangerang district chief prosecutor. Surprisingly enough he was willing to prosecute this case after having the option to demand an acquittal. What did he have to prove and what self-respecting prosecutor would want this on his record?
Retno Pujiningtyas - The judge who presided over this farce and convicted all the children. Better that she said than risk having them become repeat offenders. I suppose she has that tough love thing going. Pity her kids.
Wahadin Halim - The mayor of Tangerang who really should be paying more attention to what is going on in his city. Perhaps he had a busy skins game the day the kiddies were convicted.
All of this police time, court time, and prison time for what is essentially a few kids playing a game. Whatever happened to giving those kids a good talking to? The real crooks must be settling in Tangerang - the police and courts are way too busy with frivolous cases to worry about chase the preman, thieves, con artists and corrupters .
In Halim's crusade for moraltopia children are the casualties.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
An Unpopular View
The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly - it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over.
Joeseph Goebbels
This will not be a popular post. If you are easily swayed by pictures of cute whitecoat seals then this probably isn't for you. Anyways...
I was not particularly surprised when I read about the recent ban of seal products into the EU. There seems to be a growing trend of false enviromentalism, cheap populism with a unhealty dose of hypocrisy thoughout what used to be Europe. Unsatisfied with their singlehanded destruction of fish stocks off the grand banks in the 80's and 90's the EU has decided to further stick it to the residents of the poorest and most isolated parts of Canada by banning the product which had hitherto comprised a significant portion of their annual income.
The main reason cited by the drafters of this ban was the "inherent cruelty" of the hunt. Excuse me? Did you say cruelty? Well lets consider some european humaneness towards animals. Muskrats on the order of 500,000 per year are killed in Belgium and Holland alone. They used to be killed for their fur but are now (since the animal rights activists lauuched a campaign) killed as a nuisance animal and the carcasses are left for rot. In France geese are force fed with a long metal tube till they die for the sole purpose of extracting their swollen livers au fois gras. Germany culls thousands of wild deer and boar for sport hunting, mostly for the trophy heads. And the nadir or course is Bull fighting in Spain where the bulls are badgered and barbed before a live audience before being put down with a sword. The european parliament seems also to have overlooked their own domestic fur farms which raises animals for the sole purpose of skinning them and dwarfs the seal hunt by a factor of 500:1. Yup it all makes me wonder how these MEPs could brand the seal hunt as cruel but somehow overlook their own little cruelties in animal welfare.
Fact is its easy for the EU to adopt a pseudo moral position in regards to seals: it doesn't cost them anything in the way of votes. I would like to seem them try to ban foix gras - the resulting jacquerie would have them climbing over each in retreat.
The real evil here are all these groups such ass IFAW, HSUS, Animal Liberation Front, Respect for Animals, PETA etc etc ad nauseum which use seals as a poster child to raise funds to support their fraudulant organisations. If there was ever a bigger bunch of hypocrites on this planet I've yet to meet them. These groups have no real interest in ecology or animal welfare. If they did they would have been doing more to stop overfishing and habitat encroachment instead of recruiting sexy starlets and other easily-led celebutards into posing in front of cameras to protect species of animals that don't need protection. No form of mis-information is too low for these groups and they seem to have a Goebbels like touch of telling the big one and hoping that the great mass of the people will fall for it. So far it appears to be working.
The EU should look to its own before labelling other peoples lifestyle choices inhumane. When Gucci starts making fashion products out of straw and the Germans start making their bratwurst from tofu then they can't start lecturing the rest of us. Hypocrites one and all.
Joeseph Goebbels
This will not be a popular post. If you are easily swayed by pictures of cute whitecoat seals then this probably isn't for you. Anyways...
I was not particularly surprised when I read about the recent ban of seal products into the EU. There seems to be a growing trend of false enviromentalism, cheap populism with a unhealty dose of hypocrisy thoughout what used to be Europe. Unsatisfied with their singlehanded destruction of fish stocks off the grand banks in the 80's and 90's the EU has decided to further stick it to the residents of the poorest and most isolated parts of Canada by banning the product which had hitherto comprised a significant portion of their annual income.
The main reason cited by the drafters of this ban was the "inherent cruelty" of the hunt. Excuse me? Did you say cruelty? Well lets consider some european humaneness towards animals. Muskrats on the order of 500,000 per year are killed in Belgium and Holland alone. They used to be killed for their fur but are now (since the animal rights activists lauuched a campaign) killed as a nuisance animal and the carcasses are left for rot. In France geese are force fed with a long metal tube till they die for the sole purpose of extracting their swollen livers au fois gras. Germany culls thousands of wild deer and boar for sport hunting, mostly for the trophy heads. And the nadir or course is Bull fighting in Spain where the bulls are badgered and barbed before a live audience before being put down with a sword. The european parliament seems also to have overlooked their own domestic fur farms which raises animals for the sole purpose of skinning them and dwarfs the seal hunt by a factor of 500:1. Yup it all makes me wonder how these MEPs could brand the seal hunt as cruel but somehow overlook their own little cruelties in animal welfare.
Fact is its easy for the EU to adopt a pseudo moral position in regards to seals: it doesn't cost them anything in the way of votes. I would like to seem them try to ban foix gras - the resulting jacquerie would have them climbing over each in retreat.
The real evil here are all these groups such ass IFAW, HSUS, Animal Liberation Front, Respect for Animals, PETA etc etc ad nauseum which use seals as a poster child to raise funds to support their fraudulant organisations. If there was ever a bigger bunch of hypocrites on this planet I've yet to meet them. These groups have no real interest in ecology or animal welfare. If they did they would have been doing more to stop overfishing and habitat encroachment instead of recruiting sexy starlets and other easily-led celebutards into posing in front of cameras to protect species of animals that don't need protection. No form of mis-information is too low for these groups and they seem to have a Goebbels like touch of telling the big one and hoping that the great mass of the people will fall for it. So far it appears to be working.
The EU should look to its own before labelling other peoples lifestyle choices inhumane. When Gucci starts making fashion products out of straw and the Germans start making their bratwurst from tofu then they can't start lecturing the rest of us. Hypocrites one and all.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Mbaaak? What are you doing to my coffee?
I like my coffee simple.
Hot and strong in the morning, maybe a touch of mocha in the afternoon. None of this half-caf, double cream orange french vanilla mocha latte for me please. So I was a little bit shocked the other day at the Dunkin Donuts in Juanda to find jelly in my ice coffee. Apparently they just added it without asking. Some sort of new promotion I suppose.
What were they thinking?
Imagine if you will an old donut chain with a 70's type interior. You need something new. Despite coffee taking off as a beverage in the last 10 years or so you haven't significantly tapped into the market and your coffee sucks. What to do?
I know. Here's an idea. Just take the jelly out of the donut in put it in the coffee. Yeah Baby!
Just pump a big blob of jelly in the bottom of an ice coffee and you too can enjoy the delicious melange of caramel jelly and coffee at the same time.
mmmmm
People will come for miles for the novelty. What could go wrong? Other than the fact that coffee and jelly are a mutually exclusive pair. Oh and did I mention that there is almost no way to get that jelly up a straw. You need one of those big ass straws and even then that jelly clogs the straw like a grim prophecy of what my arteries will be like in another 20 years or so of high cholesterol consumption. And the taste? Well actually there was no additional taste. Maybe because the jelly is probably just a cheap mixture of pectin and sugar and they forgot to add the artificial flavoring. I can only surmise that the whole purpose of this jelly coffee exercise is for the visceral sensation of swishing cold snot around in you mouth before swallowing. Maybe this something that the marketing people over at Dunkin do? For me its reminds of the time that I had a very bad pneumonia and was forever coughing my lungs out.
Hot and strong in the morning, maybe a touch of mocha in the afternoon. None of this half-caf, double cream orange french vanilla mocha latte for me please. So I was a little bit shocked the other day at the Dunkin Donuts in Juanda to find jelly in my ice coffee. Apparently they just added it without asking. Some sort of new promotion I suppose.
What were they thinking?
Imagine if you will an old donut chain with a 70's type interior. You need something new. Despite coffee taking off as a beverage in the last 10 years or so you haven't significantly tapped into the market and your coffee sucks. What to do?
I know. Here's an idea. Just take the jelly out of the donut in put it in the coffee. Yeah Baby!
Just pump a big blob of jelly in the bottom of an ice coffee and you too can enjoy the delicious melange of caramel jelly and coffee at the same time.
mmmmm
People will come for miles for the novelty. What could go wrong? Other than the fact that coffee and jelly are a mutually exclusive pair. Oh and did I mention that there is almost no way to get that jelly up a straw. You need one of those big ass straws and even then that jelly clogs the straw like a grim prophecy of what my arteries will be like in another 20 years or so of high cholesterol consumption. And the taste? Well actually there was no additional taste. Maybe because the jelly is probably just a cheap mixture of pectin and sugar and they forgot to add the artificial flavoring. I can only surmise that the whole purpose of this jelly coffee exercise is for the visceral sensation of swishing cold snot around in you mouth before swallowing. Maybe this something that the marketing people over at Dunkin do? For me its reminds of the time that I had a very bad pneumonia and was forever coughing my lungs out.
Here's a suggestion for free. Just make good coffee using premium beans and consistent practices. How hard can it be?
Tolong Mbak, Kopi aja kepan-kepan ya! (please miss, just coffee next time)
*mbak - An Indonesian honorific for a young woman...thank you carla to correct my poor spelling
*Juanda - The recently renovated airport in surabaya
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Electrical Disconnect
I received a pressure washer today from Italy. Thats not really news. The newsy bit was when I went to plug it in. Couldn't do it! The plug was different. Why is it that all electrical connections in the Oil Patch must be as individual as snowflakes? The generators are typically 3 phase but are often single phase. The loads are usually single phase but can also be three phase. Power outputs can vary from 220v-480 v and equipment can require anywhere from 120V-480V. Some equipment can only run on 50hz, some can only run on 60hz and some doesn't care. None of this stuff has any drawings or nameplates and can only be identified with intuition and a fluke meter.
Why does it have to be this way...always.
Calling the sparky now...
Why does it have to be this way...always.
Calling the sparky now...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Fail: Operasi Valentine
The Prosperous Justice Party (PKS) seems to have found itself in the news lately. What with their members turning up in massage parlors, threats to prosecute Jaipongan under the porn law, and its support of the porn law itself, seem to contradict their stated appeals to be a more inclusive political party. In light of this I really did not know what to make of the PKS's Depok branch recent operasi valentine initiative , a program to deliver chocolates and flowers to young people in the hope that this largess will garner votes in the upcoming election. Now its a pretty cynical assumption on the critical powers of the electorate if you think that you can sway them with candy, but what really surprised me was the words valentine's day and PKS being mentioned in the same sentence. I thought that the PKS didn't like valentines day. Were they turning over a new leaf of was this whole operasi Valentine just another cynical ploy?
Miraculously my musings were answered today when the chairman of the PKS put the official kaybosh on the Depok chapters little plan. To quote party chairman Tifatul Sembiring “The plan has been aborted because the Shariah Council bans it. The reason is because [Valentine’s Day] is related to Jewish culture (wtf?? Jewish culture?). We would never celebrate anything that is not in line with Islamic culture..So it turned that the PKS Depok branch were not being cynical or inclusive - they were merely simpletons who acted on their own before checking with the big bosses. All of this begs the questions:
a) How can the PKS claim to be inclusive when their leaders repeated claim the contrary;
b) If their own cadres don't know what the PKS represents then how can they sell a platform to the electorate?
It will be interesting to see how the PKS fares in the upcoming election.
Notes
The PKS has their own site here (in indonesian)
Their mission statement along with summaries of other political parties can be found here (in english)
Jaipongan - A dance form from West Java
Miraculously my musings were answered today when the chairman of the PKS put the official kaybosh on the Depok chapters little plan. To quote party chairman Tifatul Sembiring “The plan has been aborted because the Shariah Council bans it. The reason is because [Valentine’s Day] is related to Jewish culture (wtf?? Jewish culture?). We would never celebrate anything that is not in line with Islamic culture..So it turned that the PKS Depok branch were not being cynical or inclusive - they were merely simpletons who acted on their own before checking with the big bosses. All of this begs the questions:
a) How can the PKS claim to be inclusive when their leaders repeated claim the contrary;
b) If their own cadres don't know what the PKS represents then how can they sell a platform to the electorate?
It will be interesting to see how the PKS fares in the upcoming election.
Notes
The PKS has their own site here (in indonesian)
Their mission statement along with summaries of other political parties can be found here (in english)
Jaipongan - A dance form from West Java
Friday, January 9, 2009
That'll show 'em
“Jews of Arab Countries: the Congress is convinced that Jews living in Arab countries do not appreciate the kindness and protection that Muslims have granted them over the centuries. The Congress proclaims that the Jews who live in the Arab states and who have contact with Zionist circles or the state of Israel do not deserve the protection and kindness that Islam grants to non-Muslim citizens living freely in Islamic countries. Islamic governments must treat them as enemy combatants. In the same way, Islamic peoples must individually and collectively boycott them and treat them as mortal enemies."
- The World Islamic Congress meeting in Amman, Jordan, 22 September 1967
I'm surprised no one in Indonesia hadn't got round to this earlier.
Today, extremists in Indonesia finally got their revenge on the Jewish Entity. How? you may wonder? Israel a long ways away and there is no border or any direct flights. Heck Israel does not even exist in the Indonesian Psyche. But wait...If you can't find the enemy without then seek the enemy within. All twenty of them. Yep there are Jews in Surabaya! Holy Hanukkah lets have a demonstration! For sure those Jews are causing all that trouble in Palestine. I know...lets seal the synagogue. That'll show 'em. Israel is sure to open the borders now. Hey... Why not just kick em out? Guess where they will go then....hmmm? Now lets get back to our demonstration to show solidarity with Hamas and support for human shields.
I don't really see the point of this type of action . How does closing a synagogue help the Palestinian cause? Never mind the endless litany of "don't attack the religion, its not the religions that are bad". Never mind reinforcing the negative perception of muslims being intolerant. Never mind it was actions like this that saw a huge exodus of Jews from Arab countries to Israel after 1967. Never mind the Jewish community has been in Indonesia since before its inception. Never mind that they have kept a low profile, never bothered anybody, and never proselytised. Never mind they are Indonesian. Nope lets attack 'em anyway. This whole Israeli/Palestinian death orgy is their fault and their fault only.
People of Surabaya you can rest easy tonite. Abdusshomad Buchori has assured your safety. You don't need the Army, Navy, Air Force or Police to protect you. Put your trust in Abdusshomad Buchori and his band of merry men. Tomorrow Abdusshomad Buchori will root out those pesky sympathisers, supporters and Israeli agents that have caused everything from 911 to the Aceh Tsunami. "Go for it!" I say. They shouldn't be too hard to find....
Just look for horns under the hat!
- The World Islamic Congress meeting in Amman, Jordan, 22 September 1967
I'm surprised no one in Indonesia hadn't got round to this earlier.
Today, extremists in Indonesia finally got their revenge on the Jewish Entity. How? you may wonder? Israel a long ways away and there is no border or any direct flights. Heck Israel does not even exist in the Indonesian Psyche. But wait...If you can't find the enemy without then seek the enemy within. All twenty of them. Yep there are Jews in Surabaya! Holy Hanukkah lets have a demonstration! For sure those Jews are causing all that trouble in Palestine. I know...lets seal the synagogue. That'll show 'em. Israel is sure to open the borders now. Hey... Why not just kick em out? Guess where they will go then....hmmm? Now lets get back to our demonstration to show solidarity with Hamas and support for human shields.
I don't really see the point of this type of action . How does closing a synagogue help the Palestinian cause? Never mind the endless litany of "don't attack the religion, its not the religions that are bad". Never mind reinforcing the negative perception of muslims being intolerant. Never mind it was actions like this that saw a huge exodus of Jews from Arab countries to Israel after 1967. Never mind the Jewish community has been in Indonesia since before its inception. Never mind that they have kept a low profile, never bothered anybody, and never proselytised. Never mind they are Indonesian. Nope lets attack 'em anyway. This whole Israeli/Palestinian death orgy is their fault and their fault only.
People of Surabaya you can rest easy tonite. Abdusshomad Buchori has assured your safety. You don't need the Army, Navy, Air Force or Police to protect you. Put your trust in Abdusshomad Buchori and his band of merry men. Tomorrow Abdusshomad Buchori will root out those pesky sympathisers, supporters and Israeli agents that have caused everything from 911 to the Aceh Tsunami. "Go for it!" I say. They shouldn't be too hard to find....
Just look for horns under the hat!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
A (pseudo) message from the ministry of tourism
Dear Potential Visitor
Please come to Indonesia. Didn't you notice that we are having a special visit "Indonesia Year 2008"? You must have missed the 2 day advertising blitz. Whats so special you ask? For starters we will be hitting you up for an extra 25 bucks coming in and 15 bucks leaving. We really really really need the money and we figure that anyone coming here can certainly afford to be nickle and dimed. Besides, just because no other tourists spots in Asia have a VOA is no reason why we shouldn't. We're mavericks you know - who wants to run with the crowd? Moreover, as any accountant will tell you, its always best to get your money up front.
Hope you like our beer. Sorry about the lack of hard stuff. On the bright side even if we had it you probably couldn't afford it. Actually our lack of booze its your fault. Wasn't it you guys who told us to clean up corruption? Drinking is bad for you anyways.
By the way we have a new porn bill but don't worry - our panel of experts have determined that you will not in inconvenienced in any way - maybe - we don't plan to trot it out except for special cases.
See you soon!
Jero
PS
Helpful tip...come in an airplane. Don't sail your own boat or we just might confiscate it. You could be smuggling alcohol for all we know.
Somebody really should have told the rest of Indonesia about the Tourism Ministry's little promotion plan. Didn't they get the memo?
Please come to Indonesia. Didn't you notice that we are having a special visit "Indonesia Year 2008"? You must have missed the 2 day advertising blitz. Whats so special you ask? For starters we will be hitting you up for an extra 25 bucks coming in and 15 bucks leaving. We really really really need the money and we figure that anyone coming here can certainly afford to be nickle and dimed. Besides, just because no other tourists spots in Asia have a VOA is no reason why we shouldn't. We're mavericks you know - who wants to run with the crowd? Moreover, as any accountant will tell you, its always best to get your money up front.
Hope you like our beer. Sorry about the lack of hard stuff. On the bright side even if we had it you probably couldn't afford it. Actually our lack of booze its your fault. Wasn't it you guys who told us to clean up corruption? Drinking is bad for you anyways.
By the way we have a new porn bill but don't worry - our panel of experts have determined that you will not in inconvenienced in any way - maybe - we don't plan to trot it out except for special cases.
See you soon!
Your buddy
Jero
PS
Helpful tip...come in an airplane. Don't sail your own boat or we just might confiscate it. You could be smuggling alcohol for all we know.
Somebody really should have told the rest of Indonesia about the Tourism Ministry's little promotion plan. Didn't they get the memo?
Friday, December 5, 2008
Who Says Canadian Politics Are Dull?
“take away that fool’s bauble, the mace”
-Oliver Cromwell
Today, in Canada Stephen Harper managed to convince the Governor General to prorogue Parliament until January. Prorogue is a new word for me - means to defer or postpone. Whatever you call it the PM (Mr. Harper) managed to have it done for the first time since since, well, forever. His rationale was that the opposition parties were planning a no confidence vote on Monday and that this would be bad for Canada. Well Mr Harper the election that you called did not fundamentally change anything so it really behooves you to work with the parliament you have. If you can't then get off the pot and let someone else have a go. You will still have to deal with a no-confidence motion in a month or two, proroguing, suspending, or deferring parliament is just staving off the inevitable and showing you to be the arrogant power-lusting politician that you are.
Have a nice Day
PJ
-Oliver Cromwell
Today, in Canada Stephen Harper managed to convince the Governor General to prorogue Parliament until January. Prorogue is a new word for me - means to defer or postpone. Whatever you call it the PM (Mr. Harper) managed to have it done for the first time since since, well, forever. His rationale was that the opposition parties were planning a no confidence vote on Monday and that this would be bad for Canada. Well Mr Harper the election that you called did not fundamentally change anything so it really behooves you to work with the parliament you have. If you can't then get off the pot and let someone else have a go. You will still have to deal with a no-confidence motion in a month or two, proroguing, suspending, or deferring parliament is just staving off the inevitable and showing you to be the arrogant power-lusting politician that you are.
Have a nice Day
PJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)