This wll probably be my first and last attempt at rhyming couplets. I really need a change from writing deployment risk management reports. Here goes...
It was the night before Christmas and I'm stuck in a stew
Trying to fill in my performance review
Just a few short lines to fill in a gap
In some global database, managed by SAP
I'm advancing the enterprise I quickly cajoled
Exceeding my metrics and meeting my goals
Conform to requirements with a flick of the wrist
Careers are tick boxes, just fill in the checklist
I'm finding it hard understanding this goo
The sylables are many their meanings are few
Designed to mislead, to confuse and to skew
It looks good on paper who cares if its true?
Ah all that I've written its not what Ive done
It just for a raise at the end of Q1
At the end of the day its not what you do
Its how you report it (subject to review)
Thats probably enough
PJ wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and all the best in 2011. May your performance metrics show continuous improvement, add value to the enterprise, meet or exceed industry benchmarks and comply with stakeholder expectations (both internal and external) thoughout this reporting period.
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Moves
I'm not big on moving. I sort of have the opinion that sometimes you are better off with the devil you know then the devil you about to meet. But one must move with the times I suppose so here we go...
A few weeks ago our crew was forced to moved from our old house in Vila Alica to a new facility a little bit closer to the office. The old house had its problems: Hot water was scarce, the roof leaked, and the generator was constantly breaking down. The swimming pool looked more like a giant culture sample than a place to cool off in. The house happenned to be situated next to a park which meant that every weekend we were bombarded with Kizomba music till 6 AM from speakers the size of trucks brought in especially for the occasion. On the positive side the house had that comfortable feel to it that only comes from people living there a long time and gradually making improvements. Our kitchen/bar was one of those places- a natural hangout after work. Another was our common rooms with big screen TV, a library, and a DVD collection. We normally did barbeques on Saturdays with our (barbeque) technicians leaving a little early to get the meat started. Overall is was the next best thing to being home - not the ritz but lots of little personal touches. We are at work after all.
Like most good things the staff house has come to an end. Presumably to save costs the company went into the process of building a hotel to replace all of the division staff houses. On paper this is probably a good idea. If only the planners had some idea of practicalities. For instance our total bedspace of all the staffhouses was 60-70 beds. This was replaced by a hotel with a bedspace of 50 beds. I can't really see how its going to work. Its hard to expand the business when there is no room to expand. The other litttle problem is the internet. We are basically in a situation now where we are service twice the number of people with half the bandwidth - what were they thinking eh?
The new building itself has some amusing quirks. The elevator must have been built for somebody else's building because the numbers on the elevator don't match the floors. For example pushing the button for the third floor will land you on the forth??! I thought I was losing my mind the first time I got off the elevator onto the wrong floor. Did the builders have drawings? There are several other little issues too tedious to mention which I am going to attribute to the break-in process but if this were a hotel it would be the kind of hotel that you would only visit once. The room themselves are quite nice and the catering has improved. It just feels impersonal. There is just no common area to watch the game with your mates or curl up to enjoy a good book. And the price! This building cost us in the neighborhood of 35 million. Now our staff houses were costing us 1-2 million/year (its expensive here in Angola) but for 35 million - up front mind you - we get the new place for only 5 years. After that the lease expires and we are out on the street until the next super expensive accomodation comes along. Someone must have seen us coming.
Only time will tell if the move was a good thing or not. I am already missing the library.
A few weeks ago our crew was forced to moved from our old house in Vila Alica to a new facility a little bit closer to the office. The old house had its problems: Hot water was scarce, the roof leaked, and the generator was constantly breaking down. The swimming pool looked more like a giant culture sample than a place to cool off in. The house happenned to be situated next to a park which meant that every weekend we were bombarded with Kizomba music till 6 AM from speakers the size of trucks brought in especially for the occasion. On the positive side the house had that comfortable feel to it that only comes from people living there a long time and gradually making improvements. Our kitchen/bar was one of those places- a natural hangout after work. Another was our common rooms with big screen TV, a library, and a DVD collection. We normally did barbeques on Saturdays with our (barbeque) technicians leaving a little early to get the meat started. Overall is was the next best thing to being home - not the ritz but lots of little personal touches. We are at work after all.
Like most good things the staff house has come to an end. Presumably to save costs the company went into the process of building a hotel to replace all of the division staff houses. On paper this is probably a good idea. If only the planners had some idea of practicalities. For instance our total bedspace of all the staffhouses was 60-70 beds. This was replaced by a hotel with a bedspace of 50 beds. I can't really see how its going to work. Its hard to expand the business when there is no room to expand. The other litttle problem is the internet. We are basically in a situation now where we are service twice the number of people with half the bandwidth - what were they thinking eh?
The new building itself has some amusing quirks. The elevator must have been built for somebody else's building because the numbers on the elevator don't match the floors. For example pushing the button for the third floor will land you on the forth??! I thought I was losing my mind the first time I got off the elevator onto the wrong floor. Did the builders have drawings? There are several other little issues too tedious to mention which I am going to attribute to the break-in process but if this were a hotel it would be the kind of hotel that you would only visit once. The room themselves are quite nice and the catering has improved. It just feels impersonal. There is just no common area to watch the game with your mates or curl up to enjoy a good book. And the price! This building cost us in the neighborhood of 35 million. Now our staff houses were costing us 1-2 million/year (its expensive here in Angola) but for 35 million - up front mind you - we get the new place for only 5 years. After that the lease expires and we are out on the street until the next super expensive accomodation comes along. Someone must have seen us coming.
Only time will tell if the move was a good thing or not. I am already missing the library.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The New Guy
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
Scott Adams
I took my moral compass for a spin the other day.It started when received a new trainee. Trainees can be all kinds of fun - they are just so naive -you can tell them anything. This one is no exception. We are getting him from our IT department. Something of a promise from a departing manager. Why anyone would want to leave the safety of IT for an operations job is beyond me(Oh yeah its the money). Anyway new guy belongs to me(and the other engineers in our group) for the next year or so. Basically his job is to follow me around and do what I do. Its sort of like having a puppy except that this puppy is not cute and cuddley - he is naive and for a cynic like me, a moral dilemma.
The oil patch for all its negative points has a lot going for it workwise. There is a lot of camaraderie on the office as well as a fair bit of practical jokes played on people who are either too serious or just plain green. to some extent a thick skin is required. Practical jokes usually involve some sort of make work program or a request for some non-existent item. Which brings me to the point of my quandary.
Newguy just asked me where he can find a key to the V-Door. (A V-door is just a ramp on a drilling rig to connect the drill floor to the catwalk - there ain't no key.)
I know that someone is putting him on.
Our conversation went thus: (I'll put my thoughts in parentheses )
NG: PJ do you know where the key to the V-door is?
me: not sure. how long have you been looking for it? (this is pure fishing on my part - usually these little quests last about a few hours or so)
NG: I have been looking for one for about a month now.
Me: (holy shit is he serious...who else is in on this?). You don't say...well who have you talked to.
NG: well lets see ...the district manager, the operations manager, some of the other engineers....I emailed a few other guys as well but so far no one has replied.
At this point I can visualise the lil' angel on one shoulder and the lil' devil on the other. I could have explained to him that this was just evil prank but really after one month he could have at least googled V-door no?
I suppose you can can guess how this conversation ended...
Me: (suppressing large grin - difficult but I managed somehow) have you checked with the shop foreman? Let me talk to him for you.
NG: Gee thanks PJ.
Me: (masking the irony) Hey I'm here to help.
As I write this newguy, on advice from our shop foreman, has expanded his search to the other divisions as well as some other companies here in port. The quest could even be expanded overseas as a portion of newguys training will occur in India. I'm not sure if India is full of skyhooks, left-handed monkey wrenches, buckets of stream and of course V-door keys but I can always ask my colleague there who happens to be the man in charge over there.
I'm sure there is a special hell for oilfield workers. See you there!
Some other oilfield favorites. These pranks will only make sense if you have worked on a well site. Otherwise you can just smile politely after each paragraph.
Calibrating The Sheave - this involves placing a grease mark on a cable sheave wheel and having the new guy "calibrate cable depth by raising his left arm with every rotation and his right arm with every 5 rotation. The man on the hoist can, by carefully selecting the speed can have the new guy flapping his arms like a chicken.
Activating The Source. This involves rolling a radio-active storage container (which looks like a large beer keg - but heavier) around the wellsite to activate the neutrons inside. Not done anymore as far as I know(hse issues here). Especially fun on muddy locations.
The Hydraulic Leak - a favorite for mechanics and tool techs(especially around april 1st). Simply arrive for work 1 hour early and liberally pour hydraulic oil beneath whatever project that the mechanic was working on the day before. Sit back and enjoy a medium roast columbian whilst awaiting the screams and the sound of spanners flying across the floor.
Scott Adams
I took my moral compass for a spin the other day.It started when received a new trainee. Trainees can be all kinds of fun - they are just so naive -you can tell them anything. This one is no exception. We are getting him from our IT department. Something of a promise from a departing manager. Why anyone would want to leave the safety of IT for an operations job is beyond me(Oh yeah its the money). Anyway new guy belongs to me(and the other engineers in our group) for the next year or so. Basically his job is to follow me around and do what I do. Its sort of like having a puppy except that this puppy is not cute and cuddley - he is naive and for a cynic like me, a moral dilemma.
The oil patch for all its negative points has a lot going for it workwise. There is a lot of camaraderie on the office as well as a fair bit of practical jokes played on people who are either too serious or just plain green. to some extent a thick skin is required. Practical jokes usually involve some sort of make work program or a request for some non-existent item. Which brings me to the point of my quandary.
Newguy just asked me where he can find a key to the V-Door. (A V-door is just a ramp on a drilling rig to connect the drill floor to the catwalk - there ain't no key.)
I know that someone is putting him on.
Our conversation went thus: (I'll put my thoughts in parentheses )
NG: PJ do you know where the key to the V-door is?
me: not sure. how long have you been looking for it? (this is pure fishing on my part - usually these little quests last about a few hours or so)
NG: I have been looking for one for about a month now.
Me: (holy shit is he serious...who else is in on this?). You don't say...well who have you talked to.
NG: well lets see ...the district manager, the operations manager, some of the other engineers....I emailed a few other guys as well but so far no one has replied.
At this point I can visualise the lil' angel on one shoulder and the lil' devil on the other. I could have explained to him that this was just evil prank but really after one month he could have at least googled V-door no?
I suppose you can can guess how this conversation ended...
Me: (suppressing large grin - difficult but I managed somehow) have you checked with the shop foreman? Let me talk to him for you.
NG: Gee thanks PJ.
Me: (masking the irony) Hey I'm here to help.
As I write this newguy, on advice from our shop foreman, has expanded his search to the other divisions as well as some other companies here in port. The quest could even be expanded overseas as a portion of newguys training will occur in India. I'm not sure if India is full of skyhooks, left-handed monkey wrenches, buckets of stream and of course V-door keys but I can always ask my colleague there who happens to be the man in charge over there.
I'm sure there is a special hell for oilfield workers. See you there!
PJ
Some other oilfield favorites. These pranks will only make sense if you have worked on a well site. Otherwise you can just smile politely after each paragraph.
Calibrating The Sheave - this involves placing a grease mark on a cable sheave wheel and having the new guy "calibrate cable depth by raising his left arm with every rotation and his right arm with every 5 rotation. The man on the hoist can, by carefully selecting the speed can have the new guy flapping his arms like a chicken.
Activating The Source. This involves rolling a radio-active storage container (which looks like a large beer keg - but heavier) around the wellsite to activate the neutrons inside. Not done anymore as far as I know(hse issues here). Especially fun on muddy locations.
The Hydraulic Leak - a favorite for mechanics and tool techs(especially around april 1st). Simply arrive for work 1 hour early and liberally pour hydraulic oil beneath whatever project that the mechanic was working on the day before. Sit back and enjoy a medium roast columbian whilst awaiting the screams and the sound of spanners flying across the floor.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Angola Revisited
Its been some time since I've been down in West Africa. Almost 2 years since I've been to Angola. There have been positive changes. There are a lot of new buildings under construction. The Railway is up and running now. There are the beginnings of a highway going north from Luanda. The Airport has a new arrival hall. Unfortunately some things haven't changed. The traffic is still horrendus. There is still nowhere to park. The visa process is still a giant clusterfcuk. And the food in Sonils still sucks - big time.
I'm was kind of expecting to be here. Apparently some work that some people thought was easy went badly wrong. I'm here to lend some experience to the operation. As a result my cunning plan to go to Ghana has been put on indefinite hold. The good news is that there is a real possibility for an extended contract here. We have all been looking over our shoulders since last October - the company is in the midst of an intensive reshuffle. Any kind of perceived job security is good news. The other good news is that we are getting all kinds of new and fancy equipment to do this work.
We are at the moment in the modelling stage. Hopefully we will deploy next week. Still a few things to do before all ready to go but my confidence at the moment is high. Here's to a successful campaign!
I'm was kind of expecting to be here. Apparently some work that some people thought was easy went badly wrong. I'm here to lend some experience to the operation. As a result my cunning plan to go to Ghana has been put on indefinite hold. The good news is that there is a real possibility for an extended contract here. We have all been looking over our shoulders since last October - the company is in the midst of an intensive reshuffle. Any kind of perceived job security is good news. The other good news is that we are getting all kinds of new and fancy equipment to do this work.
We are at the moment in the modelling stage. Hopefully we will deploy next week. Still a few things to do before all ready to go but my confidence at the moment is high. Here's to a successful campaign!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Haifa At Dawn
As seen from my hotel room, near the top of Mount Carmel. Every now and then there are benefits to work.
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