A Non Christmas Poem

This wll probably be my first and last attempt at rhyming couplets. I really need a change from writing deployment risk management reports. Here goes...

It was the night before Christmas and I'm stuck in a stew
Trying to fill in my performance review
Just a few short lines to fill in a gap
In some global database, managed by SAP



I'm advancing the enterprise I quickly cajoled
Exceeding my metrics and meeting my goals
Conform to requirements with a flick of the wrist
Careers are tick boxes, just fill in the checklist



I'm finding it hard understanding this goo
The sylables are many their meanings are few
Designed to mislead, to confuse and to skew
It looks good on paper who cares if its true?


Ah all that I've written its not what Ive done
It just for a raise at the end of Q1
At the end of the day its not what you do
Its how you report it (subject to review)

Thats probably enough


PJ wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and all the best in 2011. May your performance metrics show continuous improvement, add value to the enterprise, meet or exceed industry benchmarks and comply with stakeholder expectations (both internal and external) thoughout this reporting period.

Every Dog Has His Day

These are about as rare as hen's teeth. Tucked in amongst the slices,thin shots, duffs,windies and 4 putts I somehow managed to sink one from the teebox. I'm starting to think that golf is merely a series of disasters punctuated by just enough glorious moments to entice one to continue playing. Sort of like life in that regard.

On Cablegate

Just a couple of points on the wikileaks thingy. The United States as far as I know is still a functioning democracy. It operates diplomatic missions all over the world. One of the functions of those missions is data acquisition. At its core data acquisition  involves talking to people. In this respect foreign embassies are similar to the press. And like the press these diplomats have an obligation to protect their sources. Unlike the press however diplomacy is a function of the state, and if that state is a democracy then the diplomatic function is ultimately under the control of the electorate though it's elected representatives.

Julian Assange is a computer hacker. He reports to no government and cannot be elected out of his position at Wikileaks. He is subject to no ethical authority apart from his own sense of right and wrong. In a sense Mr. Assange has placed himself godlike over the interests of  a democracy of 300 million to some presumed personal higher utopia of world openness. Even some cursory social contact should have hinted to him that openness and the human condition are seldom to be mixed. Human beings will rarely speak about the predilections of their acquaintances publicly. Facebook is full of horror stories of those naive fools who candidly discuss the shortcomings of their friends and employers. Its a certain road to ostracism.

The theft of diplomatic cables is, of course theft. The use of these stolen documents by Wikileaks is of course accessory to theft. As a criminal organisation then Wikileaks needs to be prosecuted according to existing laws. As for Wikileaks ushering in a new era of openness I think that the opposite will occur. People will talk less because they will will be unable to trust that what they say in confidence won't become public forum and used against them at some future date. How engendering such distrust is a good thing only Julian Assange can say.
Who talks to a known gossip?

Some examples of the sort of problems that these leaks will cause can be found here and here

The Gala Dinner

note: The event occured in late september. I am only just getting round to putting it to paper now. Apologies


I'm really not a social critter. I don't get out much. But there I was slurping lycee daiquiris with  the hoi polloi of Bali the other night. You see I was at a dinner party. Not just any old dinner party but a Gala dinner, and here in Indonesia a gala dinner means pulling out all the stops.

New Kuta Golf was celebrating their third anniversary with a Tournament followed by a Gala dinner. I'm not sure exactly why  3 years is cause for a Gala dinner. Why not 5 years? Or 10 years? And I don't know why they were calling it a Halloween event when Halloween was still weeks away. I don't really care. Because any excuse for a Gala Dinner is a good excuse. Further, if you ever get the chance to go to attend an Indonesian Gala dinner you should, even if you have play in a golf tournament to do so.

To start with there is the greeting line. Most restaurants in the Bali tourist areas have a habit of  placing well groomed individuals at the entrance's to attract the customers. The club did the same thing although it was really unnecessary - the customers were all paying club members - Gala dinner remember? The greeting line consisted off all the PR and admin staff decked out in matching black cocktail dresses with lavender sashes. They looked fantastic. And how do they ever manage to remember each and every guest by name?

The dinner itself was tasty although unremarkable. It has to be said that the temporary insanity that prevails on the roads here also occurs in the buffet queue. I nearly lost a hand to some half starved woman armed with a fork who was trying (unsuccessfully) to do a reach around for chicken wing. Defending my spot in the queue took some doing - the secret (and this also could be applied to the roads here) is to exploit any opening and put aside foolish notions of personal space. Eventually appetites were sated and people settled down, drinks in hand, to await the evening's entertainment.

Given the current national paranoia over morality one might expect some sort of traditional music or dance group to occupy us between door prize giveaways. But this is a gala dinner.What we got was a group of "sensual" dancers (can't say sexy any more - pity) clad in supertight spandex who performed to wild applause from the mixed audience of men, women and children. Whoa! Besides the dance troupe there was a band, some fire baton-twirlers and and projector screen sized infomercial from one of the sponsors - a low point. Things took on a more surreal tone when the tournament winner performed, on request, a very credible version of Frank Sinatra's My Way. How? Why?

The dinner ended abruptly with the simultaneous announcement of the final door prize - some sort of people carrier - and the end of the free flow from the beer sponsor. As everyone bolted for the doors I hung back to avoid being trampled and reflectively nursed the last of my Heineken. To line up these events would take some doing. There are sponsors to find, menus to be organised, and a timetable flexible enough to accomodate the vagaries of the weather (rainy season now). The cost for a dinner and a round of golf was very reasonable if comparing other entertainment options around here. And where else on earth can you have a singing golf champ?

Only in Bali.

Only at a Gala Dinner.

Detours

I took a short time out on my way home to do a weeks training in Montrose, Scotland. Its been a very interesting few days in spite of the weather being rather chilly. Ah the joys of high winds and freezing rain. The course itself has been very interesting and informative. Its also been a chance to visit some old colleagues who are now instructors at the company training centre and catch up on the juiciest bits of corporate gossip from the north sea world.

I found some time to take some photos along the way. Please enjoy.

Scotland, Or western Alberta?

Starting out from Aberdeen its about an hour to get down to Montrose on the train. Some of the countryside looks surprisingly like Western Canada come harvest time. One thing I like about the UK is that the trains actually work and are a convenience. The 2 hour round trip from Aberdeen costs about 17  pounds. The taxi from the the airport to the train station costs about the same.

High Street,  Montrose Scotland

 First off note the cut-off statue of the bloke on the right of the photo (try to ignore my lack  of photography skills). He is one James Graham, the  sixth Earl and first Marquis of Montose. The man lived a very interesting life and unfortunately experienced a most gruesome end in the time when  Oliver Cromwell was running things round here. Remember "Braveheart" and how they did in Mel Gibson at the end? Same story for this guy. Actually in light of his demise a cut-off photo is somehow fitting .

The church steeple is spectacular - it was built in 1832.

Montrose Public Library

I put this in because I like the building. The library was built in 1908 for "a grand sum of 8000 pounds" according to the local watchman. It just happens to be across the street from a takeaway joint that I frequented during my stay. Not much to do while the pizza is in the oven. The library is nice on the inside as well.

The Dog Park

Found this on the sidewalk. Until today I have never seen an urban parking spot just for dogs. What a great idea. I daresay you would need something a little bit sturdier for anything larger than a Jack Russel.

Medal Course At Dawn

Montrose does have a couple of nice golf courses. Unfortunately I did not find the opportunity to play!. It just wouldn't do to have a post about Scotland that does not have a golf photo in it.

Graduation Picture

I did go to Scotland for reasons other than getting photos for this blog. The course entailed the evaluation of Cased Hole Logs and was attended by a number or folks from various oil and service companies. The instructor (second from right- back row) was quite engaging and I found the lectures to be very specific to what I am doing now. Its a subject that is getting more attention especially since that BP disaster in the Gulf Coast. All in all it was a week well spent. Now its time to get home.